


As Merry As The Day Is Long

by star_named_andy



Series: Shakespeare Does a Funny Thing [6]
Category: The Hobbit (1977), The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Background elf cameo!, Barduil - Freeform, Cute Dorks, Dirty Talk, Eredhon - Freeform, Graphic Sex, Kinky, M/M, References to Shakespeare, Role Reversal, Sex Toys, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-18
Updated: 2015-04-18
Packaged: 2018-03-23 11:58:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3767293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/star_named_andy/pseuds/star_named_andy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The tables are turned for Bard and Thranduil on their little getaway at Erebor Suites and a mystery is revealed as they take their leave and go their separate ways home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	As Merry As The Day Is Long

**Author's Note:**

> Get ready for some steamy Barduil, fellow readers! ;)  
> (Disclaimer: I do not own the Hobbit, Lord of the Rings, or any of its characters or content. I also make no claims to owning any of William Shakespeare's work.)

The contents that filled Thranduil’s bag were colorful, but it was not the variety of hue in the items that made Bard’s eyes swell and his throat run dry. He was astounded by the sizes, the amount, just the fact that these unusual things were even staring him in the face at the present moment – _sex toys_ , sex toys _galore_ …at least that’s what he _assumed_ they were.

He was utterly dumfounded by the sight, not even able to identify what some of the things were: squishy, ribbed, pointed, leather, straps, chains – he couldn’t make sense of it all. The poor brunette who had only just lost his virginity mere weeks ago was speechless and beaming red.

“Um,” the noise burst in his throat unexpectedly and he was immediately horrified – he hadn’t wanted to say anything, because he didn’t have any clue what he would say or what he was supposed to say, but now he’d become obligated to say something more substantial after his unintentional utterance. “These…are yours?”

“What, do you think I would use someone else’s sex toys?” Thranduil mused and Bard squeaked – they _were_ sexy toys after all!

In all reality, he knew that they couldn’t be anything else, but being confronted with the blunt truth was overwhelming. Did he want Bard to use those on him? On _himself?_ He was instantly convinced that Thranduil wanted him to use them in some manner, because knowing him, the blonde was not just showing off his collection. An onset of dreadful thoughts swarmed his mind: one of them was bound to get injured, something would get stuck, something would go terribly wrong and someone would end up in the hospital.

“Don’t look so mortified.” Thranduil spoke lightly, cupping Bard’s worry stricken face with his cool palm and sat on the bed before him. “I’ll teach you, if you’ll let me.”

“I’m not sure…” Bard trailed off, his eyes still solely on the cluttered interior of the bag resting at his side.

“What if I show you? I won’t make you use any of them, you can just watch.”

“Not to sound rude, but I thought you wanted to have sex with me, not… _these_.” Bard refuted, and though he tried not to sound bitter, his tone signaled that he was completely offended. Thranduil took this sign quite seriously, folding over the top flap of the bag to hide his goodies and scooting close to Bard so that their foreheads could meet; he hoped this would be a comforting gesture, but to be sure he also gave a nuzzle, the ends of their noses grazing each other.

“It’s not like that, Bard. I just thought that you watching me would turn you on.”

“I-I don’t know, it’s just, I don’t know.”

“Are you shy or do you really not want to play with me and my toys? It’s okay to say no, just be honest.”

“I mean, it’s not like I’m not _curious_ , I just…I don’t know. I’m saying ‘I don’t know’ a lot. Sorry.”

“If it is only coyness that holds you back, maybe I can break you out of your shell a little. I won’t start with anything drastic; how about something simple? You wouldn’t object to lingerie, would you?”

“Oh no, that’s fine.” Bard responded with a hint of eagerness rising in his voice and a softening expression that gave Thranduil the assurance he needed to proceed. He rose from the bed and swiped his bag of tricks, trotting away with giddiness in his steps and his hair swinging across his back as he headed for the bathroom.

“I’ll be back. _Relax_ while I’m gone.”

Bard twiddled his fingers and fidgeted, constantly readjusting his position on the bed as he waited for Thranduil to remerge. It seemed that no time at all had passed when he heard the definitive click of the bathroom door open and he braced himself. He attempted to command his body into a state of ease by taking in a long breath and holding it in before letting it go, but his ritual was wasted and void, becoming the total opposite of calm once Thranduil’s tall form came slinking around the corner and stopped to lean against the wall. Bard sat up, taking in the vision before him. His long arms hugged the bend of the wall and his eyes, the warmest cold blue Bard had ever seen, fell upon him with immodest intention. There was no trademark smirk painting his visage; he was still, focused, and unreal like a portrait. For those few moments, Bard had been so captured by Thranduil’s face alone that he hadn’t even noticed the details of his body: his nearly nude frame was angled in such a way that it was clear his ass was meant to be the central attraction of the pose and the only parts of his flawless skin that weren’t exposed were covered by his cascading tresses and the small, attractive garment that concealed his most private areas. The lingerie was black with lace that spanned around his hips from front to back. The pocket where his slender length was cradled had a decorative dark blue ribbon over it which gave the illusion that the front could be laced open or shut, but the facet was only for show.

“How does the ground not tremble when you walk upon it? Surely nothing on this earth can withstand your beauty, for it far surpasses anything in this world.” Bard said with a quality in his voice that was just as serious as Thranduil’s statuesque expression.

“You can withstand me, can’t you, Bard?” Thranduil purred with a tilt of his head, causing a thin veil of hair to fall and act as a curtain over one side of his face. Bard had been hard before, but that was nothing compared to his erection now; his cock was so upright that the restraint of his pants actually _hurt_.

“I can do more than that.” Bard replied in what was almost a growl as he stood and advanced toward his beloved, placed his hands on the small of his back, and brought their bodies closer. He left enough space between them so that he could admire Thranduil’s minimalist outfit.

“Do you like it? I picked it out special – blue is your favorite color, isn’t it?” Thranduil inquired as one of his pale fingers started at the base of his package and trailed up the weaving blue ribbon to entice his lover further.

“I do like it, very much. It’s so _sexy_ , Thran.” Bard rasped with his sights scouring every inch of that teasing piece of clothing. He was puzzled by how turned on he was by the presence of the inviting underwear, thinking that Thranduil wearing nothing at all would be far more mouthwatering, but the rest of his body free of the lace was completely exposed and the fact that there was only a little, itty, tiny bit of him that was hidden was maddening to the point of excessive arousal. A delighted sound hummed in Thranduil’s throat; he was loving the attention and the reaction Bard was giving him.

His fingers curled around Thranduil’s chin and pulled him into an open mouth kiss, their tongues sliding around each other with tranquil passion. It wasn’t rushed; they let themselves collapse into the moment and savor every passing moment of it, their future advancements turning to present and then quickly to past, only to be topped by another new moment that was more precious than the last.

Bard smoothed his hands over the two perfect, round mounds of flesh that were Thranduil’s ass cheeks as they kissed and he sighed lustfully into the blonde’s mouth.  He rubbed them, until something else caught his interest: his fingers came to the creases where his buttocks were separated from his thighs and he immediately dug his fingers underneath the creases and squeezed those luscious cheeks, unable to contain it all in his hands. Hearing an approval sound into his lips, Bard massaged Thranduil further, pressing his thumbs in deep and rubbing circles into his skin while squeezing and fondling. With his grip on Thranduil’s ass, Bard abruptly pulled the blonde into him, their groins clashing and both of them giving a whimper. Bard ducked his head down, breaking their hot stream of kissing and clamping his teeth down onto Thranduil’s neck with only a little bit of pressure; he didn’t want to leave a mark on that faultless complexion, even though Thranduil had left a bruise on him earlier that day from the force of his sucking. Thranduil’s head fell back with a moan, his hair hanging over his back.

“ _M-mnh_ …if I told you you are everything to me, what would you do?” Thranduil breathed with a higher resonation of his voice returning once again as it often did when they were in these positions.

“I would serve you, _loving you_ and _fucking you_ every day for the rest of my life as long as you desired me and that’s a _promise,_ Thranduil.”

Thranduil squeaked a moan, clutching Bard’s back and leaving marks on his tan skin with his nails.

“You can’t say things like that or I may be tempted to skip toys and foreplay and just let you fuck me.” He spoke with intent to sound sensual, but instead his voice came out to be very fragile sounding, breaking under Bard’s words, his hands, his teeth, his lips, his tongue and his erection pressing against his.

“Is that an _order_?” Bard grated. “Am I not allowed to say such things? You’re in charge today; say the word and I’ll keep my thoughts to myself.”

“N-No.” Thranduil stuttered, pleasantly overwhelmed by the tender dominance Bard was exhibiting for him.

“That’s what I thought. Do you want me to keep my promise?”

“I-I do.”

“Then say it; say that I am everything to you and you’ll find I keep my promises _very_ well.”

“ _You are everything t-to me, Bard_.” Thranduil breathed through his moans and he gasped as he was suddenly lifted and thrown onto the bed. A mere blink later, Bard was hovering over him with a darkened, piercing gaze that Thranduil had never seen before.

“I love you.” Bard professed lowly; he never got tired of saying it. He slipped his longest finger into his mouth and coated it messily with a sheen of saliva so quickly that Thranduil hardly had time to react as his black lingerie was bypassed and a finger pushed inside of him. He let out a little cry which then spun into a yearning groan as the finger gave a hard pump and then rested.  Bard actually _grinned at him_ , and it wasn’t sweet either – it was _devilish_.

“You like that?” he asked and Thranduil whined at those words alone before he moaned out louder as another hard thrust of his finger was given. Three more rough thrusts passed by and Thranduil still could not focus on shooting back with a witty remark. “Already no words, my love?” Bard teased with a smirk – _this was ridiculous_. How had Bard been transformed into this sexy, lust driven beast so quickly out of nowhere? Was it really just the lingerie, or was he trying _that hard_ to deliver what Thranduil asked of him that he committed himself to the role? How was it even possible that Bard could get any hotter than he already was, Thranduil wondered? He had no idea how any of these things were happening, but he wasn’t going to question it. He would simply _enjoy_ , because damn, Bard seemed to be enjoying himself enough with that smug look on his face. All of his thoughts flew out of his head as Bard, given no response, made his breath hitch as he started fingering him at a sudden fast pace.

“ _Mmn-mmnh, ah!_ ” Thranduil bit down on his finger hard enough to leave an imprint of his teeth – _this was utterly ridiculous!_ He was being pleasured by just _one finger_ and it made him feel on top of the world. Nothing was making sense anymore. He was thankful that he’d adorned a blue beaded cock ring around his dick before suiting himself in his panties, and yes it was blue just for Bard; without the restraint of the ring, he feared within the next two minutes he would have expired if Bard didn’t stop, and that would downright unacceptable and embarrassing in Thranduil’s opinion. But luckily, the ring would stop the flow of his build up and buy him some time if he needed it.

“Wait, please – s-stop,” Thranduil spoke and gave Bard’s shoulders a light shove. Bard responded immediately, slowly drawing out his finger and causing Thranduil to give a last whimper before he was left empty. “I’m in charge.” Thranduil said, but his voice was anything but commanding. “Get me my bag, please.”

“In the bathroom?”

“Yes.”

Bard gave no fuss and did not waste any time, quickly speeding himself to the bathroom and retrieving the bag for Thranduil, who had a plan brewing in that pretty head of his. Once the bag was back in his possession, he reached into it and pulled out a plastic device, an anal plug, shaped somewhat like a spade. The toy was sleek and black with a rounded tip and full of erotic memories for Thranduil. This plug was special – it _vibrated_. Thranduil noticed how Bard watched him very carefully, and so he dragged his tongue from the foot to the top of the plug, his tongue doing a little swirling dance at the tip.

“I wonder,” he began. “Have you ever been touched the way you touch me, Bard?”

“A few times, yes.” Bard answered, his voice still firm and in control as he leaned forward and spoke between spreading kisses over Thranduil’s neck. “Why do you ask? You want to give me a go in the ass, do you?”

“Mm, yes and no. I suppose you could say it’s another challenge for you.”

“Another? You are absolutely insatiable, darling.” Bard was evidently active with the use of pet names during their intimacies and Thranduil found the sweetly possessive gesture to be endearing. He was fluid in his actions, moving any hair that was in his way easily as his kissing target changed to the other side of Thranduil’s untouched neck. The blonde was trying to ignore the facial hair scraping gently at his neck, for it reminded him of Bard’s amazing rimming skills and the time for that was not now; he was sticking to his plan no matter what.

“Not insatiable, I’m just curious this time. I’d like to see how you handle ass play while touching me.” Thranduil said somewhat evenly, quivering every time Bard hit a sensitive place with his tongue.

“It’s been a while, but I don’t mind trying; you’ll have to do some prepping yourself before you put any of your toys inside of me, if that’s what you’re planning, unless you want me to do it myself.”

“Would you do that?” The blonde’s excitement skyrocketed at the idea.

Bard did not speak. The pause and the end of the attack on his neck gave Thranduil the impression that Bard had suddenly returned to his diffidence, but the brunette’s expression did not allude to any shyness at all. He stood and stripped off every article of clothing until he was standing naked before his awed boyfriend who ogled at every muscle of his chiseled body, including his incredibly hung cock; from Thranduil’s experience, Bard was definitely bigger than average. Bard started fiddling through Thranduil’s bag and eventually pulled out a tube of cream which he then squirted into his palm. He spread the lube on his fingers and rubbed his hands together to warm it. He settled back onto the bed on his knees and one of his hands for support. To Thranduil’s imminent shock, he reached back and inserted a finger inside himself with a sharp breath and a wince following.

Bard’s gaze shifted downward, determination shining through the bit of nervousness he harbored about the situation at hand – _his_ hand, to be precise. Something inside of him had clicked when he saw Thranduil make his scantily clad entrance and he’d been inspired to be daring, but now was fighting his skittishness off as he felt his inner muscles tighten around him . He hadn’t lied when he said it had been a while since anyone, including himself, had touched him there, so it was no wonder that he was awfully tight.

He stayed as still as he could, not moving until he knew he was comfortable to move his finger a little bit. He twisted it before plunging any deeper and he gasped, half in pain and half in amazement – he’d forgotten what this sensation felt like; if done right, it felt incredible, but Bard was never lucky enough to have it done right many times. He had managed to find his sweet spot a couple times, but nevertheless, he hardly indulged in this sort of act. He knew Thranduil was watching, but he closed his eyes, not want to make eye contact with him just yet. He merely wiggled his one finger for a time, re-familiarizing himself with what his warm insides felt like until he could properly explore with slow thrusts. He was extremely careful as to avoid any unnecessary discomfort, but he jolted as the tip of his finger brushed past _the_ spot, his finger bent, and his knuckle stretched him just a tad more than he was ready for. He hissed quietly and took a moment to breath before redirecting his touch back to that long forsaken place of vulnerability.

He gasped with great volume that filled the room and made Thranduil, who had been in a trance watching his boyfriend, jump slightly. A drive stirred in Bard and he poked at his hypersensitive flesh again, a primitive grunt rumbling in his throat and vibrating in his chest. “ _There_ , it’s _there_ ,” he groaned more to himself than to anyone else and arched his back so that his ass rose into the air, thus giving him a more dramatic and more satisfying angle. He discovered how satisfying his new position really was after the first time of prodding his g-spot in the pose and he grunted with pleasure. His eyes flickered open now and his sights set right onto Thranduil who was lounging on his side, biting his lip, and stroking the bulge in his panties.

“Do you like the feeling of fucking yourself, Bard?” he asked softly and Bard smirked as he set a calculated pace for his fingering. The remaining aches surging through his body that wanted him to stop were beginning to subside, urging Bard’s finger faster; he was sure to hit only that spot that made him tremble with ecstasy – he was lucky to have found that special area and to have learned a position that allowed him to give his full attention to it, making the act more enjoyable than it had ever been. Thranduil’s presence certainly enhanced the experience.

“Yes, yes I do,” Bard breathed with his uneasiness disintegrating and providing relaxation enough for him to enjoy his movements.

He panted heavily through his continuous groaning as his pace and his impatience hastened. He didn’t care about any impending pain he would feel and gave his first bold finger a companion to slide along with it. He gasped again, but this time it dissolved into a destitute, hoarse chain of aggressive moaning. He licked his dry lips and swallowed with his gaze connected to Thranduil’s, but there was nothing for him to swallow in his arid mouth and throat.

“ _Mnnh_ – it’s _there_. _Mmph_ … _Th-Thranduil_ ,” he sighed and Thranduil twirled the plug between his fingers.

“Are you ready?”

Bard gave a short nod and with the signal of approval, Thranduil brought himself to his knees and gracefully rose from the bed with the plug dangling from the space between his fingers. He approached Bard from behind and stood there, placing his hand just above Bard’s ass gently and then stroked the hand which still moved devotedly inside of him to coax it out. Bard removed his fingers with a hefty exhale and after a moment of Thranduil licking the plug, he then slicked it and Bard’s entrance with lube. Bard quivered when Thranduil touched his opening, but his hand was quickly replaced with the soft, rounded tip of the plug.

“Tell me to stop, if you need.” Thranduil ordered firmly, his tone reflecting that Bard’s comfort and safety were of the upmost importance. Bard nodded and focused on remaining relaxed as the object was gingerly and gradually pushed inside of his opening. A broken moan cracked through his voice and he could feel himself tensing instantly. Thranduil’s hands rubbing his back provided some comfort, helping Bard’s will to relax. The plug’s width grew as the end advanced further and Bard clutched the bed’s comforter, grumbling until the plug reached its limit in depth. The toy reached about to where his fingers would be at rest when they were not reaching desperately toward his most sensitive area within the cavern – he wondered, then, would it even feel good if it couldn’t reach his golden spot?

His eyes shot open wide, his question answered as the plug began to vibrate. He unleashed an uncontrollable whimper that escalated into a cry that resembled Thranduil’s high pitched noises. His upper body slumped onto the bed in submission and he muffled his sounds into the mattress. He wrinkled the comforter in his fists and arched his back even further, his body wracked by the abrupt onset of erogenous vibration. His vision was speckled with fuzzy stars and his ears seemed to lose their function – he couldn’t hear _anything_ for what had to be at least a full minute. Luckily for Bard’s nerves, he was way too distracted to consider if his sudden impairments were normal or not.

When his hearing returned, his head was flooded with his cries and his near hyperventilation. His body was writhing and squirming relentlessly, as he dug absently at the comforter. He suddenly froze as Thranduil appeared before him on the bed, ducked beneath him and formed his lips around Bard’s rock hard dick.

Bard yelled something similar to “ _Oh holy motherfucking shit fucking god!”,_ but as soon as the words flew out of his mouth he couldn’t even remember what he said. He held himself up with what strength he had as not to crush Thranduil who was lapping his tongue around his member fervently. He was sure he’d combust with pleasure attacking him from both sides at once.

“ _Thranduil, Thranduil – mnnh, THRANDUIL!_ ” he cried. In reality, he was trying to make more words come out, but all he could manage was his lover’s name. He gathered his bearings and steadied his hands on the curves of Thranduil’s waist to try to still him. Thranduil took the sign, the welcoming warmth and softness of Thranduil’s mouth abandoning his cock as the blonde deftly slid back out from under Bard and faced him. Bard sprang on him and slithered his hand past his teasing black lace and hanging blue ribbon to shove two fingers inside of his entrance. Thranduil resumed his habitual moaning pitches and patterns as he was crudely finger-fucked by his boyfriend. “I didn’t…forget…the challenge,” he huffed resolutely, but he knew he couldn’t last much longer.

His wrist pumped at overdrive to give as many thrusts of his hand as he could before collapsing over Thranduil and begging for mercy. “Thranduil, please! I can’t cum on this, I can’t! I can’t cum on this!”

“Do you need something bigger?” the blonde asked and Bard groaned out in frustration.

“N-NO, I need _you!_ I _n-need_ you, Thran!”

Thranduil sat up, reached around to Bard’s backside, flipped the device off and carefully pulled it from his insides. After Bard was freed of the shaking toy, he was thrown onto his back and Thranduil lunged on top of him. The sacredness of the lace undergarment was forsaken as Thranduil hurriedly tore them off and the cock ring was disposed of. He spread Bard’s legs open wide and steadied his fair length with his hand, guiding it smoothly into the shuddering brunette. They both joined in a moan, Bard’s outmatching Thranduil’s by far as he was filled to the brim with a throbbing dick for the first time in his life. His eyes immediately clouded with tears and he let out a long whine as Thranduil’s dick slid teasingly out so far that the head almost came out and left him entirely empty – how cruel of Thranduil to be playing with him like this while in such a position, Bard thought. Said cruelty was recovered by a hard thrust forward that made Bard scream, his tears gushing from his eyes.

He reached out and clutched one of the bed posts in one hand and in the other he loosely held Thranduil’s hips that patiently hammered into him. He was struggling to breathe; a sticky, invisible sheet of heat clung to his body, absorbing his every breath and stealing air from him.

His hands sought refuge in his hair and he balled his fists so tight that his crinkled skin turned ghost white. He swiveled his hips in submission and his mouth dropped open in awe as Thranduil’s cock swirled inside of him – _this was amazing!_  To Bard, there was no question now as to why Thranduil was so unbelievably horny all the time. Things were different now – everything was brighter and he was vulnerable and safe under Thranduil’s touch all at once. This was trust. This was _love_.

Bard was an image to be desired, and not just in the way he writhed and wailed gorgeous moans – this part of him was just another shimmer to the diamond that was the sweet, strong, kind, funny, and extraordinarily good looking Bard Bowman. Thranduil, having some of his sense about him (definitely more than Bard), couldn’t fathom how he’d been so accidentally lucky to have encountered Bard the last night he’d obliteratingly drunk. Thranduil told this guy he loved him and that he was his everything, because he was. Thranduil had never felt anything so strong in his life and so he finally gave in despite his hesitation about becoming Bard’s committed partner and now he was fucking him in total serenity – actually _fucking_ him. Thranduil had never, ever, _ever,_ put his dick into another person and he’d never wanted to. In a way, he was glad he’d missed out on this blissful experience until that very moment so he could share it with Bard only, just as Bard had shared his virginity with him. Now that Thranduil had a taste for fucking, he knew he would be topping again in the future – thrusting along Bard’s inner walls was far too pleasurable for the both of them for him not to partake in again.

Thranduil was getting a better hang of things, teasing with slow, hard thrusts here and there, but there was one snap of his hips that sent Bard over the moon. His hands flew to the back of Thranduil’s head, his most precious place having been struck by the tip of his cock.

“ _MMNH! There, it’s there, Thranduil! Fuck me there!_ _Mnnh - fuck me hard!”_ He moaned, his plea utterly needy and gravel.

“ _Holy shit_ ,” Thranduil breathed, rapt by Bard’s demands and the erotic persona that suited him so beautifully. He bucked forward powerfully to fulfill Bard’s wishes and pushed himself to thrust as fast as his skill would provide straight into where he wanted it the most. Bard melted, his moans loose and at every frequency his voice could allow as his fingers shakily fiddled with Thranduil’s hair.

“I love you, Thranduil, I love you!” Bard spoke frantically through his weeping and Thranduil huffed his breath onto Bard’s lips before kissing them as his pelvis still aimed to please him to his peak.

“I love you too, Bard. _I’m here_.”

He didn’t know why he had stated the obvious – he was physically there, Bard obviously knew that, but he felt it needed to be said on another level; he was there for Bard, for his body and for his heart. Thranduil watched as Bard came to his shining moment, his hazel eyes swimming with tints of green, his face painted with the pleasure of release, his voice fading into a sweet, soft whisper of a moan and his pearly seed spluttering onto his carven abdomen. With a wavering exhale, Bard pulled himself away from Thranduil’s cock unexpectedly. The blonde was confused until Bard dipped his head down to take his pulsating member into his mouth and gliding his tongue around it as he sucked until Thranduil finally gave a defeated cry and spurted deep into Bard’s throat. He swallowed it all quickly and then with dazed eyes, he pulled Thranduil down onto the bed next to him. They both flopped limply as they landed, completely _exhausted_.

Their hands floated together and lazily intertwined as they rested in the silence, their breathing and their beating hearts slowing to a calm rate.

“That was… _so_ unexpected.” Thranduil finally said and Bard showed a subtle grin as their eyes met.

“Yes, it was. Is that all?”

“Of course not, but I’m too tired to recall it all right now…was I alright?”

“I don’t think I need to answer that question.”

“I’d never done that before, so I was wondering how you really felt about it.” Thranduil admitted and Bard smiled.

“I never had either, and you were stupendous.”

“As were you.” Thranduil averted his gaze to Bard’s sweaty hand and traced circles into it. He smirked a little as he saw something else in his vision and peered back up into Bard’s eyes. “You’ve got cum on your tummy.”

“Come shower with me.”

“Still not satisfied? Goodness.”

“I don’t mean like that – I think if I get up by myself I’ll fall, to be honest.” Bard laughed. “We’ll save water if we shower together, anyway.”

“Your argument is too strong for me to refute; that, and I’m hella sweaty _and_ I wouldn’t mind seeing you naked a little longer.”

The two leaned on each other as they sauntered to the bathroom and enjoyed a hot shower. Thranduil adored the baby shampoos and soaps and smelled each one, sure to make a point to say he wanted Bard to remind him to take some of them before they left in the morning. Bard agreed amusedly and the loofa he washed himself with was stolen. Thranduil insisted on washing his body for him, and Bard was still quite tired so he didn’t object to Thranduil’s delicate, soapy caresses. Bard shampooed his hair as his drained body was gently scrubbed and as he rinsed, Thranduil then washed himself. Bard returned the favor by shampooing and conditioning Thranduil’s draping locks. When Thranduil turned to face him and rinse the product from his hair, he was stroking the bubble beard he’d spread over his chin.

“Now I look like you!” he proclaimed and Bard cackled in hilarity.

The rest of their night consisted of Thranduil explaining to Bard what each of his sex toys was along with their functions, playing with each other’s wet hair, loafing on the bed, glomming on room service, watching movies, trying to throw popcorn into the other’s mouth without pegging each other in the eye and ridiculous selfies. Bard ended up wearing only his boxers to bed because Thranduil blatantly told him that his day clothes stank and he would not be able to sleep next to him if he wore them. Thranduil put his hair back into a ponytail and pulled on a big t-shirt and cheetah print shorts before crawling under the covers with Bard and snuggling and laughing with him until Bard kissed the point of his ear and they said their goodnights.

Unfortunately, the sleeping part of their night was not as comfortable as Bard expected. It turned out that Thranduil was an obnoxiously active sleeper and he was apparently used to a lot of space because his long limbs were sprawled _everywhere_ – a leg curled over Bard’s abdomen, an arm over his face – needless to say, Bard had a night full of trying to gently move Thranduil off of him and wiggle out from under his arms and legs when they smacked into him. It was strange because Bard didn’t think Thranduil to be a light sleeper after the night he spent in his dorm, but perhaps he only roused so easily because he was ill, or maybe now he only slept so deeply because he was tired. Besides that, Thranduil’s phone was also vibrating like mad on his bedside table for what seemed like hours in the early morning, but Bard’s legs didn’t care enough to move and shut it off for him.

When morning came, Thranduil found his boyfriend scrunched on his end of the bed and instantly rattled off apologies for his sleep habits. Bard took it all in stride and smiled through his fatigue, just glad to have the blonde beside him when he woke.

“Hey, I think they’re still doing breakfast downstairs if you’re hungry,” Bard called to Thranduil who was preparing himself in the bathroom. “Maybe they have French toast.”

Thranduil popped his head out of the bathroom with his toothbrush sticking out of his mouth, dressed in a clean outfit and hair neatly brushed. His eyes were so big that he almost looked like a puppy with a bone popping out of his mouth.

“Aw, man. I wish you said something before I started brushing my teeth.” Thranduil muffled and ducked back into the bathroom to spit the buildup of mint toothpaste into the sink.

“I already brushed mine, too. So what?”

“It’ll taste icky.”

“I bet it’ll be better than you think – hey, your phone has been blowing up since, like, five this morning.” Thranduil came out, flicking the light off and dumping a few bathroom toiletries along with his toothbrush into his bag before zipping it up. Bard gave a lighthearted chuckle. “Remembered your shampoo, huh?”

“You bet your ass I did.” Thranduil said, winking at Bard over his shoulder as he rounded the bed and scooped his phone from the bedside table. He stared at it, eyes squinting and thick brows furrowing as he started to slowly scroll through his notifications.

“Is everything okay?” Bard asked with concern, based on Thranduil’s expression and the blatant fact that someone was trying to get a hold of him desperately.

“Yep, everything’s fine.” Thranduil answered nonchalantly as he tucked the phone in his pocket and skipped over to Bard, linking arms with him and leaning his head on top of Bard’s (since of course he is almost a foot taller than the brunette). “I guess that’s a lie, everything isn’t exactly fine. I’m going to miss you, Bard.”

That shot a pang right through Bard’s heart – he hadn’t even thought about Thranduil going back to his home in California all morning.

“I’m going to miss you too. I guess I’ll have to get someone else to wash my butt for me.”

“Um, no, no.” Thranduil corrected and Bard giggled, planting a kiss on Thranduil’s jaw.

“Only kidding, of course.”

“When do you think we’ll see each other again?” Thranduil asked. They lingered in front of the door, not wanting to get that much closer to being separated before knowing they’d soon be reunited.

“I have to spend some time training for my competition next week, but that doesn’t mean I can’t make some time for you. When do I get to visit your hometown?”

“Uck, _no_.” Thranduil scoffed in a playful manner, but Bard could feel his body stiffen. “I like it here better; it’s so cute and _you’re_ here.”

“Come on, you already met _my_ parents.”

“I wasn’t your boyfriend yet, though.”

“I’ll reintroduce you and then I can meet your parents.”

“Or not.”

“Why, are your parents secretly celebrities or something? Spies? Superheroes?”

“No.”

“Then how come I can’t meet them? I’d like to thank them for giving birth to such a wonderful son.”

“I am my own person. If you thank anyone for me being great, thank _me_.”

Bard stepped back a bit to get a good look at Thranduil’s face with an arched eyebrow – something about his tone was awkward, uneasy, and plain unusual for Thranduil; he sounded as if he _could_ be joking, but there were inflections in his words that made Bard suspect otherwise.

“That sounds fair, I guess, but still. If we’re going to be dating I’m going to meet them sometime.”

“Not necessarily.” Thranduil spoke listlessly with a shrug and Bard shook his head with disbelief, supplying a small chuckle.

“Are you messing with me?”

“Actually, no.” Thranduil said flatly as he rubbed the tip of his ear between his finger. He quickly abandoned the habit and latched onto Bard, baring a flattering grin. “What does any of that matter now? Let’s just spend out last moments together focusing on each other rather than other people, okay?”

“For now, but I won’t forget about this.”

“Unless I make you forget. I’d say I was pretty close to making you forget your own name last night.”

“Mm, you were. I’ll get you back for that.” Bard threatened with a blush tinting his cheeks and Thranduil purred in response. They both flashed magnetizing smirks that drew them together into an affectionate kiss with tongue flicking and nibbling included. They parted before they could become too invested in each other – hotel checkout was in seven minutes.

Bard took Thranduil’s bag for him and the couple left the room arm in arm, only to halt cold in their steps as another joined them in the hall from room 433.

“Oh my god, _that’s the guy!”_ Thranduil whispered and Bard hushed him as a pair of dark eyes landed on them and then flared eagerly in recognition.

“Well, _good_ morning, 429!” the young man spoke – he couldn’t have been much older than Bard and Thranduil, probably in his early twenties. By the looks of it, he was completely alone at the hotel since he had a suitcase at his side and there was no one else to be seen exiting room 433.  This guy wasn’t unattractive by any means: his sandy brown, shoulder length hair hung loose and ruffled by his hand; he had a fair build (not as tall as Thranduil or as muscular as Bard), a charming cologne spritzed over him that was strong enough to be smelt from their close distance, and a charismatic air about him. He was dressed semi-casually in a black cowl necked sweater, black jeans and an open purple blazer. He had a confident swagger about him that was easy to detect and Bard disliked that more than Thranduil did. Though he was handsome, this was _still_ the guy that had left them the suggestive note yesterday and he gave the couple the “up-down” one too many times for Bard’s comfort. He looked at Thranduil especially hard before raking his fingers back through his hair and shaking it over his shoulder.

“Wow, what a weird coincidence! I never expected to see _you_ here, Thranduil.” The man spoke and Bard immediately singed with jealousy. What were the odds that the person who had essentially wanted a threesome with them was someone that knew Thranduil? Bard probably would have been equally annoyed if it were a stranger who looked at them in such a manner.

“You two know each other?” he interjected and Thranduil shifted his weight to one side.

“Um…I’m not sure. Sorry, who are you?” Thranduil asked tentatively and the man smirked.

“Don’t remember me, huh? It’s me, Eredhon Pip – you know, from Mirkwood High? I was part of the stage crew your senior year.” Thranduil only quirked an eyebrow at the guy in reply. “I can’t blame you for not remembering. I was a year behind you and I never had the nerve to talk to you, but I _certainly_ remember you; your beauty is unforgettable. And who is your lucky, handsome friend?”

“My name is Bard and _I_ _am_ _very_ _lucky, thank you very much_.” His voice was tense and Thranduil stroked his arm gently to soothe him.

“You’re very welcome.” Eredhon said and the ignorance or neglect of Bard’s disfavor of him, whichever it was, fueled the kindling flames inside of him even further. He hated the feeling of jealousy, for it did not plague him often, but when it did it was very potent and sickening to experience. “You two are leaving, I take it?”

“Yes.” Bard answered before Thranduil could even open his mouth.

“Are you having breakfast downstairs? Perhaps we could sit together and converse about where life has lead us, Thranduil, and I can get to know you both a little better.”

“We’re skipping out on breakfast, actually.” Thranduil answered, not wanting Bard to get too snippy and heated.

“Oh – well in that case, I’d like to offer you my number in case you’d ever like to… _catch up_ , or anything else you two would like.”

Eredhon extended his hand with a flourish, a card between his fingers that he had very smoothly pulled from inside of his blazer with a wink. It was obvious what he was trying to get out of them and the impure idea had been entertaining at first when Eredhon had been a mystery, but now Bard only saw the offer as unfriendly and definitely unwanted. He took the card from Eredhon very calmly and then proceeded to rip it in half, much to Thranduil and Eredhon’s astonishment, and then left the young man with the parting words: “No thank you. Have a good day.” before leading Thranduil to the elevator.

When the elevator doors closed behind them, Thranduil turned to him sharply with his eyes glimmering wildly. Bard only glanced at him, figuring he’d be teased or lectured for his behavior, but Thranduil did neither of those things. He instead snaked both of his arms around Bard’s and ran his hands up and down his muscles as he nuzzled his head in the crook of his warm neck.

“Baby, are you mad?” he asked softly and Bard’s subtle anger was slightly relieved by a flutter in his heart as Thranduil bestowed a loving pet name upon him.

“Only a little, and not at you.” Bard answered coolly. “So I’m your ‘baby’ now?”

“You’ve called me sweet things; it’s only fair that I get to do the same, my big, strong man.”

“…I’m not _that_ big – you’re taller than me.”

“I didn’t mean your _height_.” Thranduil breathed lowly and then closed his lips onto Bard’s neck in a kind kiss that made the brunette sigh quietly in contentment. “I wouldn’t have accepted his silly offer. I wasn’t really interested in him, and especially not in sharing you with him.”

“Me either. He got a free audio show though, which I’m not particularly pleased about.”

“He’ll soon forget that tiny piece of our world he experienced. I have no doubt he’ll try to remember our voices and wonder what it would have been like if we graced him with our reception, but he will never know the heaven that is solely, always ours and ours alone.”

“Now that you’ve opened up a little more, you’re just as cheesy as I am.” Bard said with a smile and kissed the blonde dearly. Thranduil exhaled with ease into the embrace of their lips, seeing that Bard’s anger had vanished and seeing once more that all that mattered was them.

Once they came to the parking lot, reality was setting in. They each had to return home to fulfill their respective obligations and there was no avoiding it. They loitered between their vehicles with their arms around each other for a long time, their foreheads touching and their lips reaching time and time again for a “last kiss”, but they had many “last” kisses until finally they both knew that Thranduil had to leave Oregon.

“How long will it take for you to get back home?” Bard asked.

“Three hours at least – more depending on traffic, but two and a half if I’m fast.”

“No, drive safe. Take as long as you need. Will you let me know when you get home so I know you got back okay?”

“Of course…this has been a wild trip for me with everything that’s happened and I don’t just mean the sex. Going home will be strange now, like I’m a different person.”

“You’re not different, Thran. I fell in love with the person I met with light and fire in his eyes and in his heart.”

“I _feel_ different…happy.”

“Were you not happy before?”

“Not as much as I am now. With you I am as merry as the day is long.”

“I should say I’m the very same, my love.”

“But now I’m leaving.”  Thranduil mumbled as he hid his face on Bard’s shoulder and the brunette rubbed his back under his sheet of golden hair.

“Just because you leave doesn’t mean you still can’t be happy when I’m not around. How about this? I’ll give you a little something from me to hang onto. Would that help?”

“Mmm…maybe a little.”

Bard opened up the driver’s side of his car and leaned inside to lift up his middle compartment and pull out a pen and a scrap of paper. He wrote on it and then handed it to Thranduil with a coy grin.

“It’s not much. This is all I really have on me at the moment, but it’ll remind you of me.”

“ _’Forever and a day’_.” Thranduil read and Bard nodded.

“You said that to me once, remember?”

“I do.” Thranduil recalled with a smile and put the paper up against Bard’s lips. “Kiss.” Bard obeyed and pressed his lips against the paper. Thranduil then held the paper close to his heart. “It will go nicely with my ribbon.”  He said with a nod to his car. Bard peaked inside to see what he was referring to and saw the silver ribbon that once adorned the lily Bard had gifted him after A Midsummer Night’s Dream tied around the rear view mirror. Bard beamed from ear to ear and alarmed Thranduil as he flung his arms around him.

“I love you, Thranduil, you big sweetheart!”

“You’re rubbing off on me, I guess – I love you too, you big goon.” Thranduil giggled, being smothered by pecks and nips all over his face and neck. He broke free of Bard’s strong hold and ducked inside of his backseat where Bard had put his bag and pulled something out which he quickly hid in his hands. “Something from me, but you can’t look until I’m gone. Close your eyes and I’ll hide it for you.”

Bard closed his eyes and Thranduil shuffled around him. He could hear his truck door open and after a moment of darkness, Bard was permitted to open his eyes again, but he could not look for the mystery gift until Thranduil departed.

They agreed to work out the details of their next meeting later. Bard escorted Thranduil to the driver’s side of his car and leaned down to steal the real one last kiss they would have before seeing each other again. Bard waved to Thranduil from the parking lot until his car was completely out of sight, leaving a small ache in his heart as he leaned against his truck. Despite already missing his now boyfriend Thranduil Oropherion, his life felt fuller than ever. One crazy coincidence on a typical college night had brought about every color and every sense in the world around him becoming more refined and he wondered if Thranduil was so profoundly affected by their union as he was.

Thranduil was gone, but a piece of him had been left behind. Bard remembered that something secret was waiting for him in his truck, and so he excitedly turned on his heel and climbed into the truck. It did not take long for him to find Thranduil’s present of remembrance, for it hung over his rearview mirror: black panties with lace around the top edge and a dark blue ribbon garnishing the front.

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe I wrote this in three days since part 5 was posted. ._. I just love this AU so much and with finals coming soon, I wanna bust out as much as I can before I have to commit myself to studying and only that. Blech - but bottom! Bard and top! Thranduil, eh?! 
> 
> Anyway, I hoped you guys liked Eredhon, one of the background elves from The Hobbit films! I found this guy through the Mirkwood Trash Squad on tumblr (check them out, they're loony and awesome) and according to their characterization of him, he's one horny elf who likes to get around, so I figured HEY HE'S PERFECT! I was told that the meaning of Eredhon is "seed", so I used the synonym "pip" as a surname and its funny that "pip" means "seed" and "attractive" given his description. 
> 
> I promise more than porn is coming soon~!! (not like any of us are complaining, am I right?)
> 
> Here's my tumblr link if anyone wants to follow and chat or whatever!: http://the-star-named-andy.tumblr.com/


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